I should be sleeping...

I went to bed at 6am today, planning to sleep until 4 since I am working tonight. Unfortunately, at approximately 9:15 I woke up, bright eyed and bushytailed! I tossed and turned for a bit, realized that wasn't working so I turned to pharmological intervention. I took a Benadryl (usually knocks me smooth out for at least six hours) and some Ibuprofen - I recently added weight training to my gym time and I'm sure feeling it. It is now 10:45 and I don't feel even a little droopy eyed! I think my mind is just so full right now, it is impossible to shut off. I'm gonna share what's running around in this little head of mine with you in hopes it will allow me at least a few hours of sleep today! First, but not necessarily foremost, is that I no longer require ten or twelve hours of sleep. I now consider five hours a good night's (or day's) rest. This leaves me with lots of thinking time, which you might think would prevent today's problem, but really only adds to it. I even increased my gym time (3 hours last night) thinking I could just wear myself out. That obviously isn't working. Anyway - back to my thinking problem...all this thinking time has brought to my attention how little I really know. I keep having these really great conversations with Lucas that are really eye-opening - about God, faith, church, the world in general and me. That last one is the real kicker. I shared with you last post about how much I was loving Captivating. That little love affair hit a few bumps and at one point, I put the book down and declared I wasn't finishing it. There were just so many things that weren't feeling right and the final straw was all the talk about calling God "my lover." I was sharing this with Lucas (he has read Wild at Heart and actually introduced me to Captivating) and he made the statement that I was "resistent" to the way of thinking presented by the book. At first, I railed against that statement and went about trying to prove I wasn't. When I was alone later that night, those words really started to work on me. I think I am resistent, especially to the idea of allowing anyone (even God) to have total control over my life. I also was resentful of the implications that I was just sitting around, waiting to be swept off my feet by some hero figure and not really able to contribute to the world as a single person. There are definitely parts of the book that I didn't allow to speak to me, often using the excuse of how cheesy it sounds at parts. I will say that I still find some of it ranks really high on the cheese but now I'm realizing that Satan is using that to block the parts I need most from my heart. I have since finished the book (yay!), really enjoying the last few chapters. I think I'm going to give it some time, a week or two, to let what I did allow myself to learn to take root. Then, I'm starting the book all over again, taking it lots slower and ignoring the wordage I was getting so hung up on the first time and letting the core principles speak to my heart. I must thank all of you who shared your thoughts on the book with me. I think God used each of you to, in a sense, give me enough doubt about myself (everyone else loves this book, what's wrong with me that I am not enjoying it) to keep me challenged to finish. I suppose it could have been the devil, trying to use those doubts to push me further from the truth....if so, his plan failed miserably! So, I'm sure over the coming weeks I'll have more to share about this book and it's impact on my daily living.

In addition to Captivating, I just finished a bible study in James and am currently in Romans. At the same time I was reading Captivating, I also picked up Henri Nouwen's book Life of the Beloved, which I am really enjoying. I have such a bad habit of wanting to get to the end of a book, I often don't give enough to the actual journey of reading the book. Nouwen's book is pretty easy to race through (it's actually written as a letter to a friend of his) and I find I have to force myself to slow down. This is another book I'll probably end up re-reading!

In addition to that, I am enjoying work for the most part. I have also been spending lots of time enjoying the area. Lucas and I took a drive to the "beach" the other day - it ended up being fun, we walked around town and critiqued houses! But, the beach wasn't what I usually think of - no sandy beaches (they had pebbles), no crashing waves (it's on the river, not the ocean) and no beautiful palm trees. However, there were lots of people out there, enjoying God's creation, me included. We also took another trip to DC. We actually parked in Alexandria (great downtown area) and rode the metro to DC (for $3.00 one way - way cheaper than gas)!! I got to see Union Station for the first time and got an upclose look at the Capitol Building.

We are planning to take a trip next week to Lucas's home town which is very near Myrtle Beach. Yay, my return to the ocean is very near!! Hopefully, that silly Bertha (Atlantic hurricane) will either die down or veer to the right like she is predicted to do!!! I'm sure I'll have good stories and some pictures to share when I return.

I also have been visiting a new church every week and have actually found a couple that I am considering for my regular place of worship (at least until the end of August). They each have a contemporary service, complete with praise band and are just full of friendly people. One has really great small groups - though more regular sunday school feel than bible study (which I would prefer) but I haven't yet heard their Pastor as he was on a mission trip in Moldova the day I attended. The other is a little lacking in the small group area (I think I would be in a group with much older and married folks) but I really enjoyed the format of the sermon. The Pastor is basically breaking down the Bible, verse for verse which I love. I intend to visit each again and then will hopefully make a final decision. Or maybe I can alternate.....we shall see.

It is time to start looking at places for my next assignment. It's still kinda early but I'm leaning toward Massachusetts and I would need to apply for their license like yesterday. They verify each license (I think I have 6) and the real kicker to that (in addition to the $40 fee I must pay each state) is that CA can take up to six weeks to verify my license so it could potentially take 10 weeks for my licence to be issued (no temporary from them) and I only have 8 weeks left on this assignment. Oh, the pressure!!!

I have so much more I could say but it is now 11:30 and I'm actually beginning to feel sleepy so I'm going to take advantage!! I'm not even going to do my customary re-read for editing so please excuse any errors!!

Thank you my friends for your continued interest in my life, each of you are such a blessing to me and you are forever in my prayers!!